


Candy Man

by LadyMerlin



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Elicia is the Cutest Baby Ever, Fluff, Humor, Ice Cream Parlors, M/M, Meet-Cute, i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23574124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin
Summary: “Oh, I’m sorry,” Roy says on autopilot, “I didn’t see you there.”Unfortunately, before he can finish the rest of his pick-up line, the man’s face goes even darker and he bares his teeth in an actual snarl. “WHO’S SO SHORT THEY CAN’T BE SEEN OVER THE COUNTER-TOP?!” he says in a way that sounds a lot like shouting.Roy’s knees threaten to give way, and he’s inappropriately turned on for someone who’s still holding onto a child,ugh. He can’t even remember what the rest of the line was. “Not you?” He ventures, clearing his throat once just to ensure it doesn’t crack.The man blinks once, confused, and then the anger vanishes as quickly as it had appeared. “Damn right, not me. Whaddya want?”Roy wants his number, and possibly an invitation back to his place.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Edward Elric/Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes & Roy Mustang
Comments: 49
Kudos: 642





	Candy Man

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago, I had a bit of a dry spell. I asked [Tierfal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tierfal/works) for a prompt, and she very kindly gave me "Ed works in an ice-cream shop". I instantly thought of _'Candyman'_ by Christina Aguilera, and now, here we are. *jazz hands*
> 
> Caveat: The words ice and cream have lost all meaning; 'cream' in particular looks pretty funny now. I honestly don't know whether it's 'ice-cream' or 'ice cream' and after reading far more articles on the subject than I even thought existed, I have concluded that I don't care.

“She likes the ice cream place on the corner of Central Street and 4th Avenue. If you want to treat her, that is. Though my darling sugar sweetie-pie doesn’t need to be any sweeter, does she?”

By the time Maes finishes speaking, he’s not even talking to Roy anymore, he’s cooing at Elicia, who’s giggling back at him, her tiny fists pressed against her chubby cheeks, hair in two adorable, matching ponytails. Elicia is the very picture of a _darling_ child, and Roy would go to war for her so he can’t exactly dispute Maes’ assessment, but he sighs anyway. 

He _knows_ she likes the ice cream place. She’s liked the ice cream place since it first set up shop there. 

Roy has been _taking_ her to that ice cream place since it first set up shop there, because she loves the stuffed unicorn toy in the window almost as much as she loves their cotton-candy-rainbow-glitter-swirl cone, which Roy has tried to convince her is nothing more than sugar-flavoured-sugar, to no avail. 

Elicia loves that place, so they will go to that place every Friday afternoon when Gracia and Maes have their weekly date, and he will bring approximately one metric tonne of wet wipes because this is now old hat, and everything will be fine, if too cold and entirely too sugary-sweet. 

Except. Well, except for the fact that Roy doesn’t like ice cream. Nowadays he downright _hates_ ice cream. He’d much rather take his darling niece to the zoo, or the aquarium, or a museum, or to any number of more interesting venues where they can kill a couple of hours while also edifying her mind. 

Maes _knows_ Roy doesn’t like ice cream, which is why the smug shit reminds Elicia of that place every week just before he hands her over to Roy, and then there’s really nothing he can do to resist her huge sparkling eyes, even though he knows the whole thing is a ploy to get under poor Uncle Roy’s skin. If he suggests an alternative first, Maes wins. 

Sometimes he considers appealing to better natures, but Gracia finds the whole thing entirely too entertaining, and doesn’t intervene when Maes and Elicia are doing their usual routine. If Roy didn’t love them so much, he’d have murdered them all by now. 

Except Elicia, of course. He’d adopt her and train her to become a super competent genius whose only flaw would be her weakness for ice cream. 

She’s already in his arms when Maes wraps his hands around her waist and pulls her back, tucking her face into his neck with the ease of long practice, mock-scowling at Roy. “Don’t think I don’t see the look in your eyes! You can’t have her!” He exclaims. “She’s mine!” And then he corrects himself, “ours,” when Gracia shoots him a look. “If you want a baby you’re going to have to get your own!” 

Roy sighs and rolls his eyes. “I don’t want a baby, I want _this_ baby. Besides, you and Gracia can just make another one, can’t you?” 

Elicia, who is incredibly used to the play-fighting between her father and her favourite uncle, perks up. “Another baby? Can I have a sister?” 

Maes face twitches and he puts Elicia back into Roy’s arms. She moves easily, kissing her father’s cheek first, and then Roy’s. Both of them momentarily pause their warfare to melt at how cute she is. And then Maes is back to glaring at Roy, and Roy smirks at Maes. “We’ll think about it,” Maes says gently, tugging at her ponytail to get Elicia’s attention. “After you come back from the ice cream shop.” 

Roy shrugs off Maes’ last-ditch attempt to get the upper hand. He’s already won this round. Taking Elicia to the ice cream parlour is a small price to pay. “While your parents are talking about that,” Roy says, ignoring Maes’ strengthened glare, “why don’t you tell me which flavour of ice cream you’re planning to get today? Perhaps something new?” 

Elicia clings to his neck like a very warm, slightly damp monkey, and shakes her head so furiously her hair tickles Roy’s nose. “I want the unicorn ice cream.” Roy tries not to sigh too obviously. 

“Unicorn ice cream it is.” 

-

There’s nothing objectively wrong with the parlour, per se. It’s actually pretty cute. 

But by now, Roy is familiar with every pastel nook and cranny, and he’s considering wearing sunglasses in deference to how shiny the place is. He’s already started wearing the same clothes every Friday, just because he doesn’t want the rest of his wardrobe to be infected with glitter-herpes. He knows the place so well that every visit is like deja vu, and he’s started penciling his visits into his diary so it stops feeling like he’s losing his mind. 

This Friday, though, is different. 

For one, Al’s not behind the counter. Elicia looks incredibly disappointed, and not for the first time, Roy wonders if her motivation for coming here is her not-so-subtle crush on Al, and not the sugar-on-sugar flavoured ice cream. Though, he can’t even blame her for the former. Al is a wonderful target for Elicia’s affections because he seems like a genuinely nice person, and not like a pedophile who’d lure her into a white van with unicorn ice cream. Roy’s standards are low, but at least he’s probably right. 

Also, Al lets Elicia sit on the counter and direct him to make her favourite ice cream, which is both incredibly kind of him, and very cute, because sometimes Elicia forgets the proper names for things and ends up with her face pressed against the glass and her tongue stuck out in concentration as she tries to read the little labels. 

At first Roy had picked her straight off the counter, because he wasn’t put on this planet to make the lives of service workers more difficult, but Al had just laughed and waved it off. Honestly, Roy had fallen in love with him for that too, just a little bit. In a totally platonic way though, because Al was too nice for him, and almost certainly too young, and Roy isn’t a white-van-ice-cream-pedophile either. 

But Al allows Elicia to sit on the counter tops and press her little face against the glass whenever she likes, and he and Roy have bonded by cooing over how cute Elicia is, and he is - apart from the precious bonding time with his niece - the only saving grace of the ice cream parlour. 

The first noticeable difference is that Al isn’t behind the counter today, and Roy thinks he’d have been as disappointed as Elicia is, if he hadn’t caught sight of the second difference. That is, instead of Al, there’s a miniature angel behind the counter, clad in a bright red tank-top, golden hair braided over his shoulder. 

The scowl on his face is terrifying. Roy falls in love instantly. 

He hoists Elicia to his hip and approaches the counter in a daze. He taps the little call bell, even though the beautiful man is already looking at him. His scowl deepens, and Roy’s knees go weak. This is why Riza says he doesn’t have an ounce of self-preservation, but he doesn’t care. Not if the beautiful man keeps looking at him like this, with his eyebrows furrowed over his dark eyes. 

“What?” he snarls, and Roy has to haul himself out of a particularly depraved fantasy to reply. Elicia is staring at him like she’s picked up that something’s not right here, but she can’t quite tell what. “I’m already here, you don’t have to ring the fu---fudging bell,” the angel continues, catching himself before he swears in front of Elicia. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Roy says on autopilot, “I didn’t see you there.” 

Unfortunately, before he can finish the rest of his pick-up line, the man’s face goes even darker and he bares his teeth in an actual snarl. “WHO’S SO SHORT THEY CAN’T BE SEEN OVER THE COUNTER-TOP?!” he says in a way that sounds a lot like shouting. 

Roy’s knees threaten to give way, and he’s inappropriately turned on for someone who’s still holding onto a child, ugh. He can’t even remember what the rest of the line was. “Not you?” He ventures, clearing his throat once just to ensure it doesn’t crack. 

The man blinks once, confused, and then the anger vanishes as quickly as it had appeared. “Damn right, not me. Whaddya want?”

Roy wants his number, and possibly an invitation back to his place, but that’s both impossible and inappropriate. Also Riza had told him once that if he tried to pawn his niece off on her in favour of a hot date ever again, she’d shoot his kneecaps out. He’s not taking any chances. 

He turns to Elicia. “Well, darling? What would you like?” He takes his role as an uncle-slash-godfather seriously. He’s teaching her how to behave at restaurants and in public places, since clearly her father can’t be trusted to do it. 

She frowns slightly, an entirely unfamiliar expression on her angelic face. “Where’s Al?” She asks, fists twisting in the pink fabric of her skirt. 

The man sits up straight, turning his full attention to Elicia, which makes Roy wonder what he’d been looking at before. “You know Al?” He asks, and suddenly the tone of his voice is cheerful and bright; it’s like he’s an entirely different person. 

“We come here every Friday,” Roy explains, “don’t we Elicia?” 

Elicia nods, and the man smiles a little, making himself look even younger. “Oh, he’s mentioned you before, I think.” Roy wonders if they’re friends, or roommates, or boyfriends, or something. There’s a small part of him that wouldn’t mind watching if they were, even though he still thinks Al is too young for him. “He’s not feeling well today. I’m covering for him. I’m Ed. It’s nice to meet you, Elicia.” 

Ed holds out his left hand and Elicia hesitantly accepts it, shaking it gently. “Nice to meet you,” she echoes, and Roy feels a little bubble of pride in his chest. She’s learned that from him. Ed grins at her, and Roy can’t help but notice that he’s dangerously handsome. 

“So, Elicia. What can I get you?” 

She leans towards the counter as if she wants to sit on it, but Roy tightens his grip around her waist to keep her from toppling out of his arms. “Darling, just because Al lets you sit on the counter doesn’t mean that Ed will. It might be against the rules. Why don’t you ask Big Brother Ed first?” He turns to Ed and hopes that he knows that Roy won’t hold it against him if he says no. Elicia is the world’s most darling child, but it won’t be enough to save her if she turns into a brat. 

Ed is watching their interactions carefully, and when Elicia turns her eyes to him beseechingly, he smiles, a little softer than his brilliant grin from moments before. “Big Brother Ed, may I sit on the counter?” she asks, and her eyes must be enormous. Roy doesn’t know a person in the world who’s immune to those eyes. 

“Rules schmules, c’mon up here, kid. You can sit on the counter top.” 

Roy lowers her to the surface quickly, before she can actually try to leap out of his arms. For such a small child, she’s surprisingly wriggly. She sits neatly on the counter top with her legs crossed, and one hand fisted in Roy’s shirt like she’s making sure he doesn’t go away. It’s really heartbreakingly sweet. “I want the unicorn ice cream,” she says, turning to Ed again. “Please,” like an afterthought. 

Ed glances down at something below the counter top, possibly a cheat-sheet, and his eyebrows furrow in what looks like confusion. “Unicorn ice cream, huh?” he asks, trying to sound casual, though Roy can see straight through it. “What flavour exactly is that, kiddo?” 

Roy takes pity on him; he knows full well that unicorn ice cream isn’t on the official list of flavours, though if Elicia’s fondness is any indication, it should be. “Why don’t you tell Big Brother Ed how Al makes it, Elicia?” 

Elicia’s eyebrows furrow like she’s focusing on something very intensely. “A cup,” she says, holding her free hand in a cup shape. “First, a cup.” 

Ed obediently fishes a cup out from behind the counter. “Got it. And then?” 

“The white one first,” she says, pressing her nose against the glass before Roy can catch her, smudging it beyond repair. Roy winces and tries to haul her back, but Ed waves him off casually, still focusing intently on Elicia’s directions. “Then the pink one. Bubbagum.” 

“Bubblegum?” Ed asks, carefully scraping a layer of the pastel pink ice cream on top of the vanilla base. “Cool. Next?” 

“Purple!” Elicia exclaims, because it’s her favourite colour. 

Ed turns to her and frowns. “We’ve got two purple ones kid, yam and uh, lavender, I think. Which one will it be?” 

Elicia faces Roy in turn, eyes wide. “Both?” she asks. 

Roy sighs, because he’s a sucker. “Sure, sweetie. Both,” he says, giving Ed the go-ahead. 

Ed squints at them. “If you ask me, I don’t think yam will go with your flavour theme here. You’re going for sugar-flavoured, right?” he asks, and even though Elicia doesn’t understand what he means, Roy nods. “Well, yam’s a little bit less sweet than the others. Why don’t you go with the lavender. I’ll let you try the yam first, just in case you don’t like it.” 

Elicia’s eyes seem to sparkle, exactly the way Maes’ do when he finds something new to be excited about. She accepts the tiny wooden tasting spoon for a sample of the yam ice cream, but licks it lightly and passes the rest of it to Roy, making a face with her tongue sticking out. “No. I want the other one.” 

The yam sample isn’t bad, even though it’s not Roy’s usual type, even leaving aside that he’s not a fan of dairy products. 

“Alright, lavender it is. And then?” Ed’s scoops are generous and the cup is already filled twice the height of the cup, leaning slightly to one side. Elicia seems to be thinking the same thing, if the crinkle of her nose is anything to go by. “Bah,” Ed says, flapping his hand dismissively. “I’m an engineer, don’t worry, I’ll make it work.” 

Elicia’s eyes gleam and she nods before Roy can intervene. He loves the child but she’s never been one to back down from a challenge, especially when it comes to sweets. He blames her father for this singular personality flaw. 

“Then the white one with sprinkles,” Elicia says, pointing at the tub she wants. 

“One scoop birthday cake, coming up,” Ed says, sticking two wafers into the ice cream cup, forming a sort of scaffolding. His tongue is sticking out from between his lips as he concentrates on righting the leaning tower of ice cream. “Extremely poor building integrity,” he murmurs, “would not pass an architect’s inspection.” It’s likely that he hadn’t expected Roy to hear him, but he does, and he falls just a little bit more in love. 

Roy’s always had a thing for nerds, just as much as he’s always had a thing for people who could kick his ass. Ed seems to fit both categories. He keeps his thoughts to himself until Ed is satisfied with his efforts, and looks up at Elicia, expectantly. “I expect it’ll take another two scoops before reaching critical mass, Boss.” 

Elicia nods seriously, even though Roy doubts she knows what ‘critical mass’ means. “What about one more scoop and whipped cream?”

Ed nods. “That would work, boss. What’s the last flavour?” 

“Berry. The one with the wavy bits.” 

“Raspberry ripple? Got it, boss.” By the time he’s done, the cup looks more like a mountain, and the pile of whipped cream on top does nothing to help the situation. “Fudge sauce?” Elicia nods, and Roy suppresses a shiver at the thought of how hyper she’s going to be, relieved for the first time that she’ll be going back to Maes for the night. 

“Why don’t you grab a napkin, just one sweetie, and find our table?” Roy says, gently lifting her off the counter. She nods and makes a mad dash for their usual table, like she’s worried it’s going to be occupied, even though the parlour is entirely empty apart from them. 

Ed is watching him when he turns back to the counter, and an expression flickers across his face too quickly for Roy to recognize. “That’ll be 180 cenz, please.” 

“Could I get a black coffee too, please?” 

Ed rings it up and the till shows a total of 200 cenz. Roy hands over a note and drops another 50 into the jar on the counter. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to - he doesn’t even know what, maybe to invite Ed to sit with them? But god, that’d be so awkward, he hasn’t felt this tongue tied in front of another person since he first met Riza. 

But Ed doesn’t seem to notice his indecision, and speaks before he can find the words to say. “Your daughter is really cute. I can see why Al likes her so much.” 

“Oh,” Roy laughs, accepting the compliment in Elicia’s place, “thank you, but she’s not my daughter. She’s my niece, kind-of.” It’s easy to forget that Maes isn’t actually his brother, and sometimes difficult to explain. 

“Oh,” Ed says, looking awkward in a way that Roy can just tell is not characteristic. “Sorry.” 

Roy waves it off, suddenly feeling a lot more comfortable in his own skin. If Ed is awkward, maybe he won’t judge Roy for being awkward, too. “No please, there’s nothing to be sorry about. If anything I should be sorry about the state of the counter, thanks to Elicia. I don’t know how her mother does it, but when she’s with me it’s like she’s always a little smudge monster.” 

Ed snorts and Roy feels almost unreasonably proud of himself. He rides the crest of confidence and hopes for another win. “So what do you do when you’re not filling in for Al, here?” 

Ed’s cheeks flush lightly and his glance flickers away from Roy’s face and over his shoulder, to where he knows Elicia is sitting. It’s enough to break the spell, as Roy immediately straightens and turns around until he sees her, sitting on the vinyl booth facing away from them. Satisfied that she’s okay, he turns back to Ed and finds something soft in his expression.

“I’ve just submitted my PhD at Amestris U. Now I spend my time trying to convince my brother that I do have a social life, and that I’m not going to die alone at the age of thirty-five.” Even Ed looks a little surprised at how open he’s being, but Roy hardly minds the supplementary information.

“Personally, I gave up on convincing my friends of that by the time I hit thirty. It took a while longer to make them stop with the blind dates, but these days they’re mostly just happy that I’ve made it another year without finding a good match.” He doesn’t actually sign inverted commas around the last phrase, but it’s a close thing. 

“Oh good, just another six years of torment to go, then.” 

Roy blinks, because oh god, he’s so _young_. The shock must show on his face because the grin on Ed’s face gets a little sharper, a little more bitter. 

Roy swallows hard, because the smile looks like it hurts Ed as much as it hurts Roy to see it. “Heads up though, in my experience brothers tend to hold out hope for much longer. Mine still tries to set me up with his wife’s sister at every family gathering. She looks alright but she scares me. Still don’t know how someone who looks like a shark could be related to Elicia,” Roy whispers, like it’s a secret, desperately hoping that it’ll make Ed laugh. 

The grin softens and it’s not what he was hoping for but he’ll take it. “Well, there’s time yet for Elicia to grow into her heritage. Al looks like an angel but he’s the scariest person I know. He’ll take over the world some day, and no one will even notice.”

“Have you known him for very long?” 

Ed blinks, and then laughs. “Considering I was there when he was born, I’d say so.” 

It’s Roy’s turn to blink in confusion. “I thought he’s your boyfriend?” he asks, like an _idiot_. 

Ed’s jaw drops in surprise and even like this, he looks beautiful. “Oh my god, _ew_. He’s my baby brother!” he exclaims, laughing. It’s so stunning that Roy can actually feel his brains dribbling out of his ears, and his heart stuttering like he needs a medical check up, stat. 

“Uncle! The ice cream is making my hair cold!” Elicia calls, interrupting Roy before he can say something that’ll ruin his chances even further. 

He blinks and mouths the word to himself, _hair_? Before understanding snaps into place. “Sorry!” he yelps, turning and moving to Elicia in a way that probably looks pretty undignified. Maes almost killed him the last time Elicia got ice cream on her dress. This time, he’s got wet wipes. 

Thankfully the damage isn’t too severe, but the ice cream has mostly melted, dripping over the sides and seeping through the seams of the paper cup. Roy is about to ask Ed for a bigger bowl so they don’t make a horrendous mess of the table, but Ed is already there with a proper plate in his hands, and a wet rag slung over his forearm. The top of his head barely reaches Roy’s shoulder. Roy carefully doesn’t let himself deliberate on how, if he was on his knees, he’d be at the perfect height to do wonderfully inappropriate things to Ed. 

“Thank you,” Roy says, trying not to sound too overwhelmed. “She can make some really big messes, for someone so small.” 

Ed shrugs his shoulders, and winks at Elicia. “I know a bit about making big messes, myself. It’s cool.” 

Roy manages to get most of the stickiness out of Elicia’s hair (she’d apparently leaned too far over, dragging the ends of her ponytails through the ice cream puddle on the table) before starting on the rest of it. It’s a task made much easier with the wet cloth. “Let me get your coffee,” Ed says, swiping the dirty rag from in between Roy’s hands before he can protest. 

“Ed,” he calls, managing to screw his courage to the sticking place when Ed is half-way through the door near the back of the parlour. “If you’ve got some time, can I buy you a coffee? If you want?” 

Ed’s eyes gleam, though Roy is too far away to read the emotion behind them, and he’s just opening his mouth to reply when the doorbell chimes and a group of teenagers walks in. The balloon swelling inside Roy’s chest deflates, and if the slump of Ed’s shoulders is anything to go by, he probably feels the same way. At least, Roy _hopes_ he feels the same way. 

Unfortunately, Elicia finishes the rest of her ice cream faster than she’s ever finished it before, and Roy can’t think of any legitimate excuse to linger in the parlour since he’d promised her a trip to the aquarium to see mermaids. (It had been the only thing she’d been interested in. He’d just have to convince her that manatees are mermaids, the same way he’d convinced her that all zebras at the zoo are unicorns who’d misplaced their horns. One of these days, Maes really is going to kill him.) 

He wipes Elicia’s hands and then the table and then Elicia’s hands again before he realizes it’s not going to work; Ed is thoroughly stuck behind the counter taking complicated orders from the freshly released teenagers. Roy doesn’t want to disturb him enough to actually disrupt his flow of work, so he satisfies himself with briefly stopping at the front counter and waiting for Ed to look up before he flashes a smile at him. “See you around?” _he hopes_.

Ed flushes scarlet and nods, ducking his head so that his golden hair falls into his face, and Roy wishes these teenagers hadn’t come in but he’s also a little grateful because he’s on the verge of embarrassing himself in front of everyone and Elicia, and he doesn’t even _care_.

As they walk out of the parkour, Elicia comments blithely, “Ed’s pretty.” 

Roy tries not to freeze up, and thanks god that as observant as Elicia is, at least she’s not got anything on her father, yet. “Is he?” He asks, pretending like the question hasn’t just shredded its way up his spine. 

“Mm!” Elicia replies, though for a second Roy isn’t sure whether it’s a sound of agreement or a delayed appreciation for the sugar flavoured ice cream. “But he’s not as pretty as Al!” 

_Well_ , he thinks, buckling her neatly into the passenger seat, she’s entitled to her opinion. Besides, it’s better this way. He’s not sure he could have handled the competition. 

-

Roy pretends to kick up a fuss the following week when Maes goads Elicia into asking Roy to be taken to the ice cream shop again. He sighs heavily and rolls his eyes behind Elicia’s back, but when they leave the house that afternoon, Roy knows it hadn’t been enough. 

He’d seen a gleam in Maes’ eyes, which told him that his reactions had been just unusual enough to catch his attention. 

To think, he’d once admitted to Maes that he wished they were brothers for real. Now, he knows they’re as good as “real” brothers, which means that Roy has the god-given right to kill Maes if he annoys Roy enough. Though he’d probably have to deal with Gracia if he did, and frankly that’s a scarier thought than whatever Maes has up his sleeve. 

Anyway, that’s a problem for later. Maybe Gracia will distract Maes enough over the course of the evening that he’ll forget to torture Roy when he brings Elicia back. Hope springs eternal, and it springs eternal for more reasons than one. 

Logically he knows that Ed had just been standing in for his brother at the shop, but he can’t help hoping that Ed’s there today, anyway, even though he has no reason to be. It’s when he’s holding his breath while walking across the threshold, that he knows he’s in trouble, this time. 

He’s never been so disappointed to see a tall, gorgeous blonde standing in front of the counter. Elicia is thrilled though, and throws herself at Al with all the enthusiasm of a child who can’t imagine not being caught. Roy makes himself the same promise he does almost every other day; that he’ll never let Elicia down, if he can help it. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if she ever loses her faith, that there’ll always be someone to catch her. It’s not worth thinking about. 

He shakes himself out of the slightly maudlin thought and smiles wanly at Al, who smiles back at him with a knowing look in his eyes. “Expecting someone else?” he asks, only a little out of breath as he swoops down to catch Elicia before she crashes into him. 

Roy huffs slightly and shakes his head, and then shrugs. Expecting, no. But he had been hoping. 

Al doesn’t comment, but Roy has no doubt that he knows what he’s talking about. Or perhaps, _whom_ he’s talking about. “I got the strangest phone call the other day,” he says, putting his hands under Elicia’s armpits and lifting her to sit on the counter-top, “from someone who said this was his daughter’s favourite ice cream shop, though he’d never personally been here.” 

_Oh god_.

“Did you?” Roy asks lightly, tamping down hard on the voice in the back of his head that wants to abandon ship, to run away before this gets any worse. 

“I did. He said his brother had really _appreciated_ the server last Friday. Do you know whom he might have been referring to?” Al asks, just as nonchalantly. For a second, he seems just as cool and conniving as Maes, but… but surely not. Al is an angel compared to Maes, isn’t he? Roy swallows, and he’s not sure he’s entirely successful in hiding it. The world can’t possibly handle two people like Maes, it’s a horrifying thought. 

"I couldn't possibly say," Roy lies. 

“Did you know we have a second floor?” 

Roy blinks at the non-sequitur. “A what?” 

Al looks at him like he’s reassessing Roy’s intellect. “A second floor, upstairs. An extension to the parlour. We use it to store all the toppings and stuff, like an attic.” 

Roy isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do with this information. He blinks. 

“Could you do me a favour, while I make Elicia her favourite unicorn ice cream?” Al doesn’t wait for him to reply. “Could you run up and get me a box of rainbow sprinkles? I seem to have run out?” 

Roy eyes the tub of rainbow sprinkles behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with sprinkles. Al doesn’t blink, just smiles at him beatifically, and Roy decides it’s not worth the argument. Al clearly wants him to go upstairs, and he has learned from Maes that sometimes discretion is the better part of valour. “Any idea what it looks like?” 

Al shrugs. “You’ll know it when you see it.” Roy sighs lightly and leaves Elicia to Al’s tender mercies. 

The second floor looks a lot like the first, except it’s dustier and entirely empty, save for boxes of… stuff, lying around on the floor and on tables. Stuff that looks like electrical equipment, spare parts, things which have no place in an ice cream parlour. There’s another room across the main landing, where there might be a refrigerator or some other sort of storage unit. Roy starts making his way there, carefully stepping around boxes and trying not to indulge his curiosity. 

His attention is drawn when something clatters onto the floor, in the other room. If it turns out the parlour has rats, he’s never bringing Elicia back here, ever again. “Hello?” he calls out. There’s a fleshy thud, like a body part has just connected with a hard surface, and then low swearing. Roy’s heart skips a beat. “Is anyone in there?” he tries again, though he suspects someone is, and he thinks he knows _who_ it is, too. 

“Yes, _fuck_ , I’m here, who’s asking?” 

“Ed?” Roy _hopes_. 

The low swearing goes quiet. Roy hears footsteps, and then Ed steps out of the side room, rubbing the top of his head, almost entirely covered in a fine layer of dust. “It’s you,” Ed says, and he sounds almost as surprised - pleased? - as Roy feels. 

“Your brother sent me up here,” Roy explains, resisting the urge to stick his hands in his pockets, to keep himself from reaching out. This is ridiculous, he’s only met the man once, and yet - 

“Let me guess, he’s looking for a tub of chocolate sauce?” Ed’s mouth is twisted in a scowl, but he’s not angry. Roy doesn’t know how he knows that, but he does. 

He shakes his head. “Sprinkles.” 

Ed’s eyebrows fly upwards in outrage. “I just got him a new box! He’s been sending me on errands all afternoon, and I swear, I just got him a box! He can’t possibly have run out!” 

Roy can feel his face heating up. “The tub was pretty full, but I didn’t want to argue,” he admits. 

Ed’s irritation instantly melts into amusement. “You see it too, don’t you? He’s terrifying! People never believe me when they say Al’s the scarier brother!” 

Roy shrugs and offers a smile. “I figured he wanted me to see something up here, so I didn’t argue too much. Scary or not, I guess he was right.” 

Ed blinks. “What did you want to see?” There’s a pause, and then, “me? You wanted to see me?” Roy wants to duck his head, but it’ll just make his blush more obvious, if it isn’t already. He nods. “Why would you want to see me?” Ed asks, and he sounds a little stunned. 

“Well, I didn’t get to buy you a coffee last time, and I was wondering if I could ask you again, properly. I bring Elicia here every week anyway but I was hoping…” Roy hasn’t been this lame since primary school; Maes is going to laugh until he throws up, but if Ed agrees to meet him for a date, it’ll be worth it. 

Ed still looks utterly surprised, but not offended, or disgusted. Roy _hopes_. “I don’t even know your name,” Ed says, a long moment later. 

Roy runs through their interactions in his head and it’s - it’s surprising and it’s also a little funny that he hadn’t even introduced himself to Ed before trying to ask him on a date. “That’s easy enough to fix,” he says, instead of blurting out all his thoughts, and offers a hand to Ed. Ed takes it, and his grip is cool and firm and strong. “I’m Roy.” 

“Ed,” Ed replies, and Roy doesn’t say that he knew that, because this is nice, he likes holding Ed’s hand, even if it’s childish and silly and a little funny. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ed. I’d really like it if you joined me for a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine, or dinner, or maybe an ice cream cone.” Roy knows he’s losing his suaveness with every additional word, but he can’t help it, it’s really out of his control. 

Ed’s expression is dazed and sweet until the last bit, when he makes a face and sticks out his tongue. “I was with you until you got to the ice cream bit. I’m not a fan of milk, or milk by-products.” 

“Lactose intolerant?” he asks, though he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t want Ed to notice that they’re still holding hands. 

Ed shakes his head and his grip tightens. “Just don’t like cows. Mean fuckers,” he says, which is a statement that’s going to need a lot of elaboration. But if Roy has it his way, they’ll have more than enough time for it. Ed’s gaze lands on their clasped hands and he yanks it back, but not like he’s disgusted or anything, more like he’s embarrassed. Roy isn’t. Roy enjoyed every single moment of that, but. 

“I should probably get back to Elicia,” he says. It’s not regretful, because he wishes he could have spent more time with Ed, but not at the expense of spending time with his niece. 

Ed grins up at him, and Roy is reminded once again how small Ed is, for someone with such a big personality. Oh god, that’s probably one of the things he should not say out loud, if his pick-up line last week was anything to go by. “You should,” Ed agrees, and it takes Roy a second to remember what Ed is referring to. “Before Al corrupts her and turns her into his minion of evil.” 

Roy shakes his head. “You don’t know Elicia very well. She’ll have him wrapped around her little finger, if he isn’t already there.” 

“You don’t know my brother,” Ed counters. “All his henchmen adore him to the moon and back, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to use them to take over the entire universe with the power of sparkles and cow eyes.” 

“Brother,” Al says reproachfully, clearly having caught that last part of that. “My plan also depends on ice cream. You can’t forget one of the three essential components!”

Ed turns to Roy and gestures at Al, as if asking, ‘ _can you believe this guy?_ ’, and Roy laughs. Elicia laughs too, perched on top of the counter with a giant heap of rainbow-sprinkled unicorn ice cream, even though she doesn’t know what Roy is laughing at. 

“Have you been good for Big Brother Al?” Roy asks, tugging gently at one of her little pony tails. She shakes his hand off and sticks her tongue out at him. It’s tinted purple. 

“She’s been a darling,” Al replies, winking at Elicia who quickly discovers that she’s not able to wink back, and puts down her precious ice cream to hold one eyelid shut while blinking with the other. “Though, Ed, Winry is probably going to take off your leg and beat you around the head with it. You’re late for your appointment.” 

Ed glances down at his watch and blanches. “Shhhhhh-oooooot,” he says, evidently remembering that Elicia is still there. “I’ve got to go, Roy. Your question, what you asked, upstairs? _Yes_ ,” he says emphatically and beams at Roy before snatching up a bag from behind the counter and running out the front door. 

Roy feels as if someone has just hit him on the back of the head with a baseball bat. He wouldn’t have been more dazed if someone _had_ hit him. His chest is full of helium and he’s going to float away any minute now, if someone doesn’t hold him down. He keeps looking at where Ed had just disappeared, until Al huffs a laugh. “So when are you going on your date?” he asks. Somehow Roy isn’t at all surprised that Al knows what he’d asked Ed, upstairs. Ed _had_ warned him that his brother was brilliant. 

But the question reminds him of something important that he’d forgotten, and it’s his turn to pale. “We didn’t plan anything. I didn’t even get his number.” He resists the urge to swear. 

Al laughs and shakes his head. “Good thing you know where his brother works, isn’t it?” 

Roy resists the urge to bite his lower lip; a show of nerves if ever there was one. “Could you give me his phone number?” 

Al scoffs at Roy, doesn’t even stop to think, and he really should have expected that. “As if I’d make it that easy for you. If you want my brother, you’re going to have to work for him.” Alright, it’s fair enough. “I’ve heard good things about you from Mr Hughes though, so I’m trusting you with Ed, for now.” It goes without saying that if Roy screws up, he’ll be answering to Al. It’s possibly the scariest and most effective shovel talk he’s ever received. 

“Noted.” And then, “when did Maes contact you, anyway?” 

Al grins at him and shakes his head, amused. “He called me on Saturday morning last week, just the day after you visited. He said his brother had met someone at the ice cream parlour the night before, and did I know who it was.” 

“Bastard,” Roy says, without any real anger. He should have known better than to think he could hide anything from Maes. 

“Ah, at least you’ll know to take a brother’s threat seriously, Mr Mustang.” 

“Roy, please,” he says, not acknowledging the rest of Al’s statement, because he knows it already. It’s been alright for Al to call him Mr Mustang for all these months, but if Roy’s going to be hanging out with Ed as much as he hopes he is, he should try to be on good terms with Al too. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Roy. I’ll see you tomorrow morning? I understand my brother might have some business in the bookshop down the road.” 

Roy grins, recognizing a tip when he sees it, and nods gratefully. They hang around until Elicia is done with her ice cream, and then they depart as if it’s just another usual Friday, and nothing different has happened. 

Elicia follows obediently, her sticky hand held firmly in his own. She seems to be thinking very hard about something, and Roy leaves her alone to process her thoughts. He’ll help if she asks for it, and it doesn’t take long. 

“Uncle Roy, can I ask a question.” 

“Go ahead, sweetheart. What do you want to ask?” 

“If you and Big Brother Ed get married, will you be able to make a baby sister for me? Papa said he and Mama can’t because the academy is bad.” 

“Do you mean the economy is bad?” Elicia nods and Roy resists the urge to laugh, and also the urge to swear at his sworn brother. He hasn’t even been on a single date with Ed, how can Elicia already tell that Roy wants to marry him? It’s probably her father’s witchcraft, and it’s going to be the death of him someday. 

“Well, me and your Big Brother Ed are a long way from being married, but tell you what. Why don’t you ask your Papa how babies are made?” And maybe, Elicia’s question will distract him from the fact that Roy has a date tomorrow. For being this interfering, the bastard deserves no less. 

“I’ll ask him,” Elicia says, nodding solemnly so that her ponytails bounce above her head. 

“Good girl,” Roy says. This will be fun. One can only hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments make my day <3
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. I'm sending lots of love, and for what it's worth, I'm always available if anyone wants to chat.


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